Why So Happy?

I've had some thoughts my mind has been pondering much of late. I've jotted them down here and there in a journal of sorts, but I got thinking that I needed to write them out in a more detailed form here on my blog. Maybe in my efforts to record my learnings and ponderings, someone else can be lifted.

Many friends have asked how my family and I stay so happy dispite the trial we are facing. It's a simple answer really. Jesus Christ. Because of Him, whose birth we celebrate this time of year, there is purpose to every experience, every trial, every joy.

Jill, a friend of mine here in our neighborhood, shared part of a poem by Elizabeth Barrett Browning entitles Aurora Leigh

Earth's crammed with heaven,
And every common bush afire with God;
But only he who sees, takes off his shoes,
The rest sit round it and pluck blackberries,
And daub their natural faces unaware.

These burning bushes are trials. But they are not hard times alone. They are afire with God. There is purpose to the experience. I know the reason I am here on this earth is to learn things that I could not learn any other way. My ultimate goal is to become like God our Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ. Trials, burning bushes, are opportunities to do that learning and growing. As I keep the perspective of my burning bushes, they become holy places to me. I symbolically remove my shoes, knowing that this and any other trial have a sacred purpose.

By keeping the sacred purpose in perspective, the burning bush becomes a source of growth, of greater light,of peace, and even a source of joy. The trial becomes a source of joy. Yes, I said that, a source of joy.

That is where the smile comes from. That is why we as a family can be so happy, so peaceful.

In the coming posts I will share in more detail how this is happening in our lives. I will share stories and truths that mean so much and bring this peace and joy in celebration of the birth of our Savior.

What Can I Do To Help?

So many of our friends have expressed love, concern and a desire to help us in some way. I am so grateful for all the dear friends and family that have reached out to us. Thank you, thank you.

Those of you that really know me, know that I am not good at asking for help. Many of us are that way. We really are doing quite well right now. My health has actually improved some. The medication I am on for my liver is improving how I feel day to day and the medication for the cancer has not caused any side affects. My only struggle currently is the pain in my left hip. If I am on my hip for too long the pain will increase and I know it's time to lay low for a while. I will begin radiation treatments in the near future to help with the pain.

But there are some ways we do need help. The first one helps us personally. The second helps everyone who will ever be touched by cancer.

Way To Help #1
One of the biggest stresses beyond all that comes with being sick is the financial burden that being sick places on the family. We have some dear friends that are putting together some fundraising efforts in our behalf. Your support of those efforts would be greatly appreciated.

The first fundraiser is a yard sale to be held on Saturday August 24th. There is also a silent auction in the works. If you would like to contribute items to be sold, would like to help in the effort, or have other ideas, your help would be celebrated. Our amazing friend Stephanie Strawn is working hard to pull this all together. You can contact her at strawn05@hotmail.com or 435-760-5065.


Way To Help #2
Cancer has affected too many for too long. The last few years our family has been involved with the American Cancer Society in helping to raise money to find a cure with Relay For Life.

ACS has launched a new effort in the fight. This time it's not about the money, but the information. Remember when the connection of smoking and lung cancer was made? That was a study headed by the ACS. This fall they are launching another study... Cancer Prevention Study-3 or CPS-3.

"The goal of Cancer Prevention Study - 3 (CPS-3) is to better understand the factors (lifestyle, environmental, genetic) that cause or prevent cancer and, ultimately, to help eliminate cancer as a major health concern for future generations. Men and women between the ages of 30 and 65 who have never been personally diagnosed with cancer and are willing to make a long-term commitment to the study can participate."

The goal is to have 300,000 participants across the country. Your help is needed. For more information and specifics about the study go to the ACS Website. There are 6 locations and times throughout Cache Valley, as well as sights across the country to sign up as a participant.

Thank-you for any help you are able to give.

It's Not About Time

Earlier this year, our Bishop spoke about the principle of possession verses becoming. Satan's plan is about possession. He wants to possess us, in that he wants us to follow him. He wants to control us and bind us slowly with a flaxen cord. He wants us to focus on possession as well. It is so easy to get caught up in the worldly race of trying to possess more and more, to spend all our time with worry of how to make more money to have nice things, to have more money for a nice life, more money to have more than our neighbor has. When that is our focus, Satan has taken possession of us.

But the plan of our Heavenly Father is about becoming. We are to become like Him and our Savior Jesus Christ. This isn't through a forced plan. We choose what we want to become. Each day is a choice. Each day we determine our reaction to life, and those reactions determine how we are becoming. It is all within our power to choose. Are we choosing to become more loving with those around us. Are we becoming more refined, less focused on the worldly pursuits. Are seeking for the kingdom of God here in this life? Are we seeking to help others, even while we ourselves might be facing something difficult?

Becoming. It's all about becoming.

But over this last month, and really the last few days, I've had to repent. I've thought I was doing a fair job at becoming. The worldly things are not a strong desire for me. But I realized that there is one worldly possession I have been holding on tight to. That is the possession of time. I've wanted to have more and more and more time left on this earth. I've wanted more time with my family, more time for school, more time to become a teacher and to have my own classroom. I've wanted more time to see my children grow and begin their own families. I've wanted more time with my husband to grow old together in service and memories. Not one of those things is a terrible thing. Each one is really about becoming. Each one is still putting the Kingdom of God first, in my own little sphere of influence. But my attitude was wrong. The time I have left on this earth is a worldly possession. It is not a possession that I am ultimately in control of. That belongs to my Heavenly Father. It is up to him on how much time I am given here. And when that time is through, all will be in His hands. My husband, my children, everyone I care about will be in His hands and will be cared for.

For me, it is about becoming. I will live the time I have left focused on those things that matter, knowing that my days will not be numbered less. I will be a fighter. I want my children to see me fight. I want them to see that their mother was strong and didn't back down. But I fight to continue to become. I fight to become stronger, not to try and change the time my Heavenly Father has for me. Time is not in my hands, but my attitude about time is.

Additional Diagnosis

I met with the liver specialist yesterday. I really like her despite the bad news she had to give me. My sister joined me for the adventure and helped make a very hard day much enjoyable.

I found out I have PSC or Primary Sclerosing Cholangitis. It is an autoimmune disease where my body is attacking my liver, causing my liver to harden with scar tissue. There is no real treatment or cure. The only option is a liver transplant on down the road, for most patients. But I've never been like most patients. Due to my cancer diagnosis, I am not a candidate for a transplant. The anti-rejection drugs that are prescribed for a lifetime following transplant surgery would cause the cancer to grow rapidly. PROGNOSIS If all goes well and the cancer treatments play well with my liver, I have 7 years give or take a few. This would at least let me see my children grow and possibly go on missions, marry and maybe even begin their families. It gives me more time than we first thought. I have more time to spend with the love of my life and make memories to carry on into eternity. When we received the cancer diagnosis I wasn't settled. I felt empty and a bit lost. It wasn't what I was being prepared for. I knew it was bigger. I knew there was more. When Dr. Hatch gave me the rest of the story yesterday, it all felt right and complete. I finally felt settled and peaceful. I am grateful to be living a life with an understanding that even when told officially by a doctor that "I am dying", I can feel peace. I can share peace with those around me and live what life I have left with joy. Not just happiness, but joy. I am at peace.

The Battle:Round Two

Well, it's back to blogging. Blogging again with the initial purpose that created stubborn-strong to begin with. The cancer has returned and it's time to battle again. The road to discovery began about a month ago. I started not feeling well when I ate, no matter what I ate. I then started itching head to toe. But of course, I would just tough it out. Whatever it was would run it's course and be gone soon. While dealing with these symptoms, I got word that a cousin had passed away in California. Ignoring what my body was doing, I headed out to be with family and help in any way I could. The symptoms came with me, although seemed to take a backseat. A tender mercy from the Lord as I was able to enjoy the time with family and assist anywhere I found a need. Once home from the trip, the symptoms escalated. Of course that was right during the 4th of July holiday and I wasn't able to get into our family doctor until the following Monday. By the I had become quite jaundice and extremely itchy. I had blood work done that day which led to an ultra sound, more blood work, CAT scan, trips to Salt Lake, MRI, liver scan, a liver biopsy and doctor after doctor reading what was going on in my insides. During the quest to find out what was wrong with my liver, one set of doctors noticed a lytic lesion on my left hip. The hip lesion took me back to my oncologist and more blood testing, another biopsy, and eventually a PET scan. DIAGNOSIS: I have metastasized breast cancer in both hips, the base of my neck, and a number of lymph nodes in my chest cavity. TREATMENT Not surgery. Not chemotherapy. At least to begin with. Because the places are quite small, we are starting with cancer suppressing drugs. If the drugs work and the marker numbers remain stable or decrease the same treatment will continue. If the marker number increases, it's back to chemo. The good news. There are little to no side affects with these drugs. The bad news...I'm living with cancer. Living with pain. Living with the knowledge that at any time, my new normal can change and send life into a real battle....a battle for my life.

Going Greek

I have joined the ranks of those who love greek yogurt. The creaminess is divine. But the price...well, not so much.

I decided to look into making it at home. There is a good amount of information out there on the internet with some variations, but the basics seemed pretty consistent. Off to the store I went today to buy milk and a small container of plain greek yogurt.

Here is the recipe I followed. Homemade Greek Yogurt from Tasty Kitchen. I love Tasty Kitchen's website. Everything I have tried has come out amazing.

I did divert and use greek plain yogurt rather than regular yogurt for my starter. A few posts I found seemed to claim that it made for a creamier texture. Regardless it would work, so I went for the good stuff. I also chose to incubate the little cultures in a bowl set in my crockpot on warm rather than in the oven (in case the girls wanted to make cookies). This worked perfectly. We even left the house to go to a wedding reception and came home to yogurt.

It took about 5 hours to set up in the crockpot. I currently have it draining off the whey to take it up from regular yogurt to the high protein creamy yummyness.

I can't wait for breakfast in the morning!

Update...Through the night I over drained the yogurt and it made a cream cheese like constancy. When this happens, there are two things you can do...add a bit of the whey liquid back in (which makes it more tart) or add some milk. The whey is high in carbs as they drain out from the yogurt leaving the protein. I chose to add more milk in, more protein and even creamier texture. Win, win. I then scooped some out and added a bit of honey. Yummy! It is a bit chalky though. I'll have to research and revise. It might take adding some dry milk to the milk along with the yogurt start.

Another breakfast I really like uses the "extra drained" yogurt as cream cheese on a bagel. It's much better for you than cream cheese. My most favorite uses some "yogurt cheese"(protien, calcium, live cultures), sliced banana (potassium), and chopped nuts (healthy fats), all mixed up and piled on a toasted wheat bagel (fiber) sprinkled with flax seed (protien, fiber) and cinnamon (helps regulate blood sugar levels). This is another example of simple food, yummy, without the extras you don't need (fat, cream, etc.).

Wrapping It Up and Moving On

I have now completed the last herceptin and Jared went with me to my final visit with the oncologist to complete the cancer treatments. Now I go in every three months for marker tests that will then go to every six months till I reach the five year mark. Now I'm on my own. Now I make the choices of my lifestyle and do what I can to keep this cancer from returning.

So what am I doing? Running, running, and running (Jared registered me for the Top of Utah half marathon in August). Drinking lots of water, water, and water. (I LOVE water) And changing our diet. I'm working toward a more plant based diet. Not vegan or vegetarian. Just more plant based. More nutrient based.

And that is what this blog is evolving into. I want to share my food and healthy lifestyle tips and tricks. Share what works for me. I'll still continue to share my spiritual journey as well. It's all about the healthy and not the sicky now. Come join me. Let me know what you are doing to live healthy.

I have a growing interest in food and how it helps the body. I love to get down to the science of it. In my mind, food should be really yummy and enjoyable. So much of our lifestyle is based around eating, eating together and enjoying it. For so long healthy and enjoyment have not gone together. But over the years I have watched food show after food show with gourmet chefs talking about the simplicity of good food. Fresh, simple, flavorful ingredients and the cooking techniques that bring out those flavors . That is what I have been exploring. And it's what I want to share. Food where you taste the good on their own, not covered up by creams and sauces. Real food. Low fat, low calories. Yes it's possible. If I can get my family to fight over brussel sprouts...and I have...it's possible!

So here it goes with my first recipe. It's a curried carrot soup full of beta carotene...lots of orange colored veggies in this one and yummy, yummy, yummy and easy,easy, easy soup.

Curried Carrot Soup With Cornbread Croutons

By The Gluten Free Goddess
WebMD Recipe from Foodily.com

Slow cookers are just the best when the weather turns warm and breezy. It frees you up from kitchen duty just when you need it most -- supper time. Enjoy the time with your friends and family, and let the crock pot do all the heavy work!

Ingredients

Olive oil
1 clove garlic, chopped
1 to 2 teaspoons mild gluten-free curry powder, or to taste (can substitute with regular curry powder)
1 leek
4 large carrots
1 sweet potato
Half a banana squash {butternut will do in a pinch}
Fresh water, as needed
Sea salt, to taste

Gluten-Free Cornbread Mix (can substitute with regular cornbread mix)

1/2 teaspoon sea salt
1 teaspoon chili powder
2 tablespoons chopped jalapenos

Instructions

For the soup:

Plug in your slow cooker and turn it on to high. Pour a drizzle of olive oil into the bottom. Add in the chopped garlic and curry powder. Stir and cover. Let the curry infuse the oil as you chop the vegetables. Wash the leek, trim, and slice the white section. Peel, trim, and chop the carrots. Peel and chop the sweet potato and squash. Place all the chopped veggies into the warm crock and stir. Add just enough fresh water to cover them. Season the soup with sea salt to taste and cover.

If you keep the soup on high it will cook faster -- say, four hours or so, depending on your make and model. If you need to stretch out the cooking time, turn the slow cooker on to low. It will be ready in perhaps six hours. If you need to stretch it a bit longer I don't think it would hurt, as long as you've put enough water in the crock. The soup is ready when the carrots are tender and split easily using a fork.

Puree the soup with an immersion blender until the soup is silky smooth. Taste test. If it cooked down too much and is a tad thick, add some liquid {for extra creaminess use a dash of coconut milk, although I didn't add any extra "milk" and we loved the fresh, clean taste} and gently heat through for another 10 minutes. Serve with pan toasted cornbread croutons.

For the easy cornbread croutons:

Started with Gluten-Free Cornbread Mix. Follow the directions on the package, substituting the eggs, and using water and olive oil to keep it vegan.

Add the following ingredients to the mix:

1/2 teaspoon sea salt
1 teaspoon chili powder
2 tablespoons chopped jalapenos {skip if you need it less spicy}

Baked the mix in a 9-inch cake pan and cooled it on a rack. Slice the cornbread into eight wedges; then wrap each one in recycled foil, and bag for freezing. Use one thawed piece of cornbread for two people. Cut the cornbread into cubes. Heat a skillet over medium-high heat and drizzle in some olive oil. Add the cubes of cornbread. Gently toss them from time to time as they sizzle and get golden. Remove with soft-tip tongs. Serve hot sizzling croutons on top of the soup.

Total Servings: 4

I chose not to make the bread crumbs and just make cornbread. I also doubled the recipe to make enough for my gang and have some leftovers. It freezes well in small containers and was great for lunches. To bump up the protein a bit I added a 1/4 cup of low fat cottage cheese to the warm bowl of soup. I wish I had some now as look out and see the snow falling yet again.