tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40449901171760188232024-03-05T22:10:48.412-07:00Stubborn and StrongUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger39125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4044990117176018823.post-68881686477288484522014-01-06T22:06:00.000-07:002014-01-06T22:06:29.595-07:00Keeping the Light OnA few days ago I was watching a bit of the Colts vs. Chiefs game with my hubby. Jared mentioned that I should be a fan of the Indianapolis Colts. I looked at him in question while he explained that Coach Pagano is also a cancer survivor. He then shared these videos with me...<br />
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While watching, the thought kept going through my head about strong people becoming stronger. What really makes the difference between those that shrink from their difficulties, get angry and even blame others for their lot in life while others grow stronger, more loving, happier. Coach Pagano is one of those that became stronger and even motivated others around him in the process. <br />
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From Wikipedia...<br />
<blockquote>Pagano was diagnosed with acute promyelocytic leukemia[4] in September 2012, and took an indefinite leave of absence of his coaching duties. He then underwent three months of treatment at the IU Simon Cancer Center in Indianapolis.[5] On November 5, doctors announced that Pagano's cancer is in remission. To support Pagano, two dozen of the Colts' players,[6] and two of their cheerleaders,[7] shaved their heads as part of a movement to support Pagano known as "CHUCKSTRONG". Offensive coordinator Bruce Arians led the Colts during the next 12 games. Pagano returned to his head coaching duties on December 24, 2012</blockquote><br />
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Keeping the light on. That's a big key in the fight, whatever that fight may be. It was a friend and fellow coach who had the idea to keep Pagano's office light on while he was away but it was only an example of the light Pagano himself was keeping on. He wasn't going to give up and let cancer win. He had daughters weddings to dance at and trophies to win with his team. There was reason for him to live. <br />
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I've seen some give up those things most important because they were offended by someone or because life just wasn't fair, or what ever the reason. They just didn't keep the light on.<br />
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To me, keeping the light on isn't about living at all costs. It's about living for the right reasons even if that means dying. Having had doctors tell me that I had limited time to live gave so much clarity to life. Dying wasn't the worst thing that could happen. For me, life is about securing what was most important, despite how tough or unfair it may seem.<br />
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As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I believe that through sacred covenants, or promises made with God, I can be with my husband and my children for eternity. Jesus Christ made it all possible through His perfect life, suffering for our sins, death on the cross, and His glorious resurrection. That is the light I keep on. It is a choice, one I hold to with all I have.<br />
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What light do you keep on?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4044990117176018823.post-12137561096246547402013-12-15T23:01:00.001-07:002013-12-16T06:25:55.846-07:00A Whole Tree of FaithTime for a more Christmasy post of sorts. I was just thinking about an experience in early November that describes well where I am at with my faith and thinking. Faith to us is an action word. It's not just believing, it's acting on that belief, even in the face of difficulty.<br />
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My mom has been in the process of moving to Texas where my dad has been working for quite some time. I am so happy for them to be together as they should be. Part of the move preparation has been clearing out the house and putting it on the market. One of the things I was able to inherit was her beautiful Christmas tree. She has had it ready for quite some time for us, but we just hadn't gotten around to going to pick it up. Finally one day Amily went out to get it. She had driven the truck to school and the deal was that she had to wait around for Kyra to finish with play rehearsal and bring her home. With free time on her hands, Amily decided to go visit grandma out in Paradise. While she was there, they loaded up the Christmas tree. It's a very solid, heavy tree that comes in the typical 3 pieces. <br />
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All loaded up, Amily headed back to the high school to pick up Kyra and head home. Once home, she backed into the garage to unload the tree. Out came the base, the center section, and the...the top of the tree...well, it wasn't exactly there. In fact it was plain MIA. The phone calls started and my mom was out looking for the tree top along the road to see where it had blown out.<br />
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Now let me back up a bit. This same time, we had been getting bad news after bad news. I still wasn't feeling that great, so that seemed to overshadow everything. We then were getting the reality of health insurance and doctor bills mounting above and beyond what we had anticipated. To top that off, Jared found out that his job (and ultimately our health insurance)were not so secure. He could lose his job just as the holidays were beginning. The kids were getting sick and hurt every time we turned around it seemed. With each bad event that came to light, I was beginning to feel like Job. I hadn't lost my family and friends, but otherwise I was dumbfounded as to the challenges mounting. <br />
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I was anxious to get the tree, the tree would fill a need. Our previous artificial tree had all but died the year before and we had gotten rid of it with the hope that we would pick one up with an after Christmas sale. We never found one that we liked and figured we would just have to buy one when Christmas came around again. Well, here we were, looking at Christmas upon us and definitely not feeling like we had the money to spend on a brand new tree with the bills growing as they were. When mom offered us her tree, I was ecstatic. We would have a tree!<br />
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I had just come home from the cancer center for my weekly treatment when I found Amily with the truck backed into the garage. I was excited to see that the tree was home, and quickly found out that only 2/3 of the tree had made it. I couldn't believe it. The top of the tree was gone!! How? Why? I just had to sit back and laugh. It was all I could do. I said a little prayer at that point trying to gain some understanding as to what was going on. Really, on top of all the other issues we were going through, something this simple had to go wrong too?? I wasn't about to "curse God and die" as Job was being told to do. Not over and artificial tree, not with the bigger issues that hadn't driven me to do so. If I hadn't yet, I wasn't starting now. So why this trial too?<br />
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Mom didn't find the top in her searches. We had other things going on and weren't able to go looking ourselves right away. Before we were able to, a snow storm hit. There was no point in going to look until it started to melt.<br />
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A few days later, Jared, Tia and I decided to go for a ride and find the top. I prayed before we left, shared my feelings, asked to be led to where it was, and off we went to find it. All the way out to Paradise we looked....nothing...not a hint of pine along the road or in the ditches. Jared turned around and headed back towards home. Tia and I kept looking. At about the same moment we both though we saw something. The road to Paradise doesn't have a shoulder and not much of a safe opportunity to turn around. Jared drove on to the High School and did a u-turn to go back and look again. As he was turning near the school, my eyes landed on...no it couldn't be...pine boughs. I pointed to the end of the high school parking lot to a small pile of snow, debris, and small pine boughs. <br />
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We drove into the parking lot and I jumped out, gingerly with sore hips, and pulled the tree top out of the snow. It was the same type of pine as our 2/3 of a tree at home. We found our top! I asked in prayer with real intention of finding the missing part. I had full faith that we would be lead and acted on that faith. And there it was!<br />
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Once home, the top was a perfect fit. Our tree was whole. But more importantly, my faith was whole. I don't know why all this had to happen. But I do know that all trials and problems come to an end eventually. When the event comes to an end, what we are left with are the consequences of the choices we've made. If we "curse God and die", we are left to pay the consequences. If we hold faithful and endure in righteousness, we are left with stronger character, understanding, and faith. We are better prepared to face future challenges and bring about much righteousness. <br />
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The tree is up and decorated, filling our home with the Spirit of Christmas. I can sit back and enjoy knowing that there is a story of faith in this tree. For years to come, this tree will not only be a symbol of eternal life through Jesus Christ, but also enduring in righteousness and acting in faith. It all brings a very Merry Christmas.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4044990117176018823.post-36151384403518539632013-12-15T10:40:00.000-07:002013-12-15T10:44:25.980-07:00Why So Happy?I've had some thoughts my mind has been pondering much of late. I've jotted them down here and there in a journal of sorts, but I got thinking that I needed to write them out in a more detailed form here on my blog. Maybe in my efforts to record my learnings and ponderings, someone else can be lifted.<br />
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Many friends have asked how my family and I stay so happy dispite the trial we are facing. It's a simple answer really. Jesus Christ. Because of Him, whose birth we celebrate this time of year, there is purpose to every experience, every trial, every joy.<br />
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Jill, a friend of mine here in our neighborhood, shared part of a poem by Elizabeth Barrett Browning entitles Aurora Leigh<br />
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Earth's crammed with heaven,<br />
And every common bush afire with God;<br />
But only he who sees, takes off his shoes,<br />
The rest sit round it and pluck blackberries,<br />
And daub their natural faces unaware.<br />
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These burning bushes are trials. But they are not hard times alone. They are afire with God. There is purpose to the experience. I know the reason I am here on this earth is to learn things that I could not learn any other way. My ultimate goal is to become like God our Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ. Trials, burning bushes, are opportunities to do that learning and growing. As I keep the perspective of my burning bushes, they become holy places to me. I symbolically remove my shoes, knowing that this and any other trial have a sacred purpose. <br />
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By keeping the sacred purpose in perspective, the burning bush becomes a source of growth, of greater light,of peace, and even a source of joy. The trial becomes a source of joy. Yes, I said that, a source of joy.<br />
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That is where the smile comes from. That is why we as a family can be so happy, so peaceful.<br />
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In the coming posts I will share in more detail how this is happening in our lives. I will share stories and truths that mean so much and bring this peace and joy in celebration of the birth of our Savior.<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4044990117176018823.post-32565319945360953162013-08-12T18:29:00.002-06:002013-08-12T21:45:10.911-06:00What Can I Do To Help?So many of our friends have expressed love, concern and a desire to help us in some way. I am so grateful for all the dear friends and family that have reached out to us. Thank you, thank you.<br />
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Those of you that really know me, know that I am not good at asking for help. Many of us are that way. We really are doing quite well right now. My health has actually improved some. The medication I am on for my liver is improving how I feel day to day and the medication for the cancer has not caused any side affects. My only struggle currently is the pain in my left hip. If I am on my hip for too long the pain will increase and I know it's time to lay low for a while. I will begin radiation treatments in the near future to help with the pain.<br />
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But there are some ways we do need help. The first one helps us personally. The second helps everyone who will ever be touched by cancer.<br />
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<b>Way To Help #1</b><br />
One of the biggest stresses beyond all that comes with being sick is the financial burden that being sick places on the family. We have some dear friends that are putting together some fundraising efforts in our behalf. Your support of those efforts would be greatly appreciated. <br />
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The first fundraiser is a yard sale to be held on Saturday August 24th. There is also a silent auction in the works. If you would like to contribute items to be sold, would like to help in the effort, or have other ideas, your help would be celebrated. Our amazing friend Stephanie Strawn is working hard to pull this all together. You can contact her at strawn05@hotmail.com or 435-760-5065.<br />
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<b>Way To Help #2</b><br />
Cancer has affected too many for too long. The last few years our family has been involved with the American Cancer Society in helping to raise money to find a cure with Relay For Life.<br />
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ACS has launched a new effort in the fight. This time it's not about the money, but the information. Remember when the connection of smoking and lung cancer was made? That was a study headed by the ACS. This fall they are launching another study... Cancer Prevention Study-3 or CPS-3.<br />
<blockquote>"The goal of Cancer Prevention Study - 3 (CPS-3) is to better understand the factors (lifestyle, environmental, genetic) that cause or prevent cancer and, ultimately, to help eliminate cancer as a major health concern for future generations. Men and women between the ages of 30 and 65 who have never been personally diagnosed with cancer and are willing to make a long-term commitment to the study can participate."</blockquote><br />
The goal is to have 300,000 participants across the country. Your help is needed. For more information and specifics about the study go to the <a href="http://www.cancer.org/research/researchtopreventcancer/participate-cancer-prevention-3">ACS Website</a>. There are 6 locations and times throughout <a href="https://www.seeuthere.com/rsvp/invitation/invitation.asp?id=/m1c9c3bc-53JHHFUZPBFJN">Cache Valley</a>, as well as sights across the <a href="http://www.cancer.org/research/researchtopreventcancer/cps3-where-to-join">country</a> to sign up as a participant.<br />
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Thank-you for any help you are able to give. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4044990117176018823.post-46185623705826978522013-08-05T07:18:00.000-06:002013-08-05T07:18:32.109-06:00It's Not About TimeEarlier this year, our Bishop spoke about the principle of possession verses becoming. Satan's plan is about possession. He wants to possess us, in that he wants us to follow him. He wants to control us and bind us slowly with a flaxen cord. He wants us to focus on possession as well. It is so easy to get caught up in the worldly race of trying to possess more and more, to spend all our time with worry of how to make more money to have nice things, to have more money for a nice life, more money to have more than our neighbor has. When that is our focus, Satan has taken possession of us.<br />
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But the plan of our Heavenly Father is about becoming. We are to become like Him and our Savior Jesus Christ. This isn't through a forced plan. We choose what we want to become. Each day is a choice. Each day we determine our reaction to life, and those reactions determine how we are becoming. It is all within our power to choose. Are we choosing to become more loving with those around us. Are we becoming more refined, less focused on the worldly pursuits. Are seeking for the kingdom of God here in this life? Are we seeking to help others, even while we ourselves might be facing something difficult?<br />
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Becoming. It's all about becoming.<br />
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But over this last month, and really the last few days, I've had to repent. I've thought I was doing a fair job at becoming. The worldly things are not a strong desire for me. But I realized that there is one worldly possession I have been holding on tight to. That is the possession of time. I've wanted to have more and more and more time left on this earth. I've wanted more time with my family, more time for school, more time to become a teacher and to have my own classroom. I've wanted more time to see my children grow and begin their own families. I've wanted more time with my husband to grow old together in service and memories. Not one of those things is a terrible thing. Each one is really about becoming. Each one is still putting the Kingdom of God first, in my own little sphere of influence. But my attitude was wrong. The time I have left on this earth is a worldly possession. It is not a possession that I am ultimately in control of. That belongs to my Heavenly Father. It is up to him on how much time I am given here. And when that time is through, all will be in His hands. My husband, my children, everyone I care about will be in His hands and will be cared for.<br />
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For me, it is about becoming. I will live the time I have left focused on those things that matter, knowing that my days will not be numbered less. I will be a fighter. I want my children to see me fight. I want them to see that their mother was strong and didn't back down. But I fight to continue to become. I fight to become stronger, not to try and change the time my Heavenly Father has for me. Time is not in my hands, but my attitude about time is.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4044990117176018823.post-1794145936239358782013-08-03T07:04:00.001-06:002013-08-03T07:04:59.262-06:00Additional DiagnosisI met with the liver specialist yesterday. I really like her despite the bad news she had to give me. My sister joined me for the adventure and helped make a very hard day much enjoyable.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-frc1/1005205_165241193660656_381382946_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-frc1/1005205_165241193660656_381382946_n.jpg" /></a></div>
I found out I have PSC or Primary Sclerosing Cholangitis. It is an autoimmune disease where my body is attacking my liver, causing my liver to harden with scar tissue. There is no real treatment or cure. The only option is a liver transplant on down the road, for most patients. But I've never been like most patients. Due to my cancer diagnosis, I am not a candidate for a transplant. The anti-rejection drugs that are prescribed for a lifetime following transplant surgery would cause the cancer to grow rapidly. <b>PROGNOSIS</b> If all goes well and the cancer treatments play well with my liver, I have 7 years give or take a few. This would at least let me see my children grow and possibly go on missions, marry and maybe even begin their families. It gives me more time than we first thought. I have more time to spend with the love of my life and make memories to carry on into eternity. When we received the cancer diagnosis I wasn't settled. I felt empty and a bit lost. It wasn't what I was being prepared for. I knew it was bigger. I knew there was more. When Dr. Hatch gave me the rest of the story yesterday, it all felt right and complete. I finally felt settled and peaceful. I am grateful to be living a life with an understanding that even when told officially by a doctor that "I am dying", I can feel peace. I can share peace with those around me and live what life I have left with joy. Not just happiness, but joy. I am at peace.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4044990117176018823.post-8508945007475813272013-07-31T20:37:00.001-06:002013-07-31T20:42:32.963-06:00The Battle:Round Two <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2A5Dd82Cpw8UIGgDtTRok3ovsFYVN-dl_dF5Fbm6oXM5GxAHsMx9pZde5YrBjxW9eqockDMWhUDBGhYDh3PbNVQpSj5ihI2R-WHipXDXlzgQuUKooyN9adU8aA0UCJx-MA30sCwbNOKs/s1600/Waiting.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2A5Dd82Cpw8UIGgDtTRok3ovsFYVN-dl_dF5Fbm6oXM5GxAHsMx9pZde5YrBjxW9eqockDMWhUDBGhYDh3PbNVQpSj5ihI2R-WHipXDXlzgQuUKooyN9adU8aA0UCJx-MA30sCwbNOKs/s320/Waiting.jpg" /></a></div>Well, it's back to blogging. Blogging again with the initial purpose that created stubborn-strong to begin with. The cancer has returned and it's time to battle again.
The road to discovery began about a month ago. I started not feeling well when I ate, no matter what I ate. I then started itching head to toe. But of course, I would just tough it out. Whatever it was would run it's course and be gone soon. While dealing with these symptoms, I got word that a cousin had passed away in California. Ignoring what my body was doing, I headed out to be with family and help in any way I could. The symptoms came with me, although seemed to take a backseat. A tender mercy from the Lord as I was able to enjoy the time with family and assist anywhere I found a need.
Once home from the trip, the symptoms escalated. Of course that was right during the 4th of July holiday and I wasn't able to get into our family doctor until the following Monday. By the I had become quite jaundice and extremely itchy. I had blood work done that day which led to an ultra sound, more blood work, CAT scan, trips to Salt Lake, MRI, liver scan, a liver biopsy and doctor after doctor reading what was going on in my insides. During the quest to find out what was wrong with my liver, one set of doctors noticed a lytic lesion on my left hip. The hip lesion took me back to my oncologist and more blood testing, another biopsy, and eventually a PET scan.
<b>DIAGNOSIS:</b> I have metastasized breast cancer in both hips, the base of my neck, and a number of lymph nodes in my chest cavity.
<b>TREATMENT</b> Not surgery. Not chemotherapy. At least to begin with. Because the places are quite small, we are starting with cancer suppressing drugs. If the drugs work and the marker numbers remain stable or decrease the same treatment will continue. If the marker number increases, it's back to chemo. The good news. There are little to no side affects with these drugs. The bad news...I'm living with cancer. Living with pain. Living with the knowledge that at any time, my new normal can change and send life into a real battle....a battle for my life.
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4044990117176018823.post-48962896053083642822011-04-07T21:19:00.005-06:002011-04-08T09:53:19.498-06:00Going Greek<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizBgGBiZ_zWAaQZW1j5bBzxusVp4iUs84DqqpTdq3WHIaXBrijmsmYYDCiYUGBZX8JFt6Kz3pPbmh2cyDgis6DJmFliqTnTDTwEnBez2enWJ5DjGg4ve1kbAui2JwH95WOfhN_-99VS6U/s1600/IMG_1841.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizBgGBiZ_zWAaQZW1j5bBzxusVp4iUs84DqqpTdq3WHIaXBrijmsmYYDCiYUGBZX8JFt6Kz3pPbmh2cyDgis6DJmFliqTnTDTwEnBez2enWJ5DjGg4ve1kbAui2JwH95WOfhN_-99VS6U/s400/IMG_1841.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5593240397103688242" border="0" /></a><br />I have joined the ranks of those who love greek yogurt. The creaminess is divine. But the price...well, not so much.<br /><br />I decided to look into making it at home. There is a good amount of information out there on the internet with some variations, but the basics seemed pretty consistent. Off to the store I went today to buy milk and a small container of plain greek yogurt.<br /><br />Here is the recipe <a href="http://thepioneerwoman.com/tasty-kitchen/recipes/homemade-ingredients/homemade-greek-yogurt/#cr"></a> I followed. <a href="http://thepioneerwoman.com/tasty-kitchen/recipes/homemade-ingredients/homemade-greek-yogurt/">Homemade Greek Yogur</a><a href="http://thepioneerwoman.com/tasty-kitchen/recipes/homemade-ingredients/homemade-greek-yogurt/">t</a> from Tasty Kitchen. I love Tasty Kitchen's website. Everything I have tried has come out amazing.<br /><br />I did divert and use greek plain yogurt rather than regular yogurt for my starter. A few posts I found seemed to claim that it made for a creamier texture. Regardless it would work, so I went for the good stuff. I also chose to incubate the little cultures in a bowl set in my crockpot on warm rather than in the oven (in case the girls wanted to make cookies). This worked perfectly. We even left the house to go to a wedding reception and came home to yogurt.<br /><br />It took about 5 hours to set up in the crockpot. I currently have it draining off the whey to take it up from regular yogurt to the high protein creamy yummyness.<br /><br />I can't wait for breakfast in the morning!<br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 255);font-family:lucida grande;" >Update</span></span>...Through the night I over drained the yogurt and it made a cream cheese like constancy. When this happens, there are two things you can do...add a bit of the whey liquid back in (which makes it more tart) or add some milk. The whey is high in carbs as they drain out from the yogurt leaving the protein. I chose to add more milk in, more protein and even creamier texture. Win, win. I then scooped some out and added a bit of honey. Yummy! It is a bit chalky though. I'll have to research and revise. It might take adding some dry milk to the milk along with the yogurt start.<br /><br />Another breakfast I really like uses the "extra drained" yogurt as cream cheese on a bagel. It's much better for you than cream cheese. My most favorite uses some "yogurt cheese"(protien, calcium, live cultures), sliced banana (potassium), and chopped nuts (healthy fats), all mixed up and piled on a toasted wheat bagel (fiber) sprinkled with flax seed (protien, fiber) and cinnamon (helps regulate blood sugar levels). This is another example of simple food, yummy, without the extras you don't need (fat, cream, etc.).Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4044990117176018823.post-20085208909401655412011-04-02T21:23:00.002-06:002011-04-02T22:00:12.803-06:00Wrapping It Up and Moving OnI have now completed the last herceptin and Jared went with me to my final visit with the oncologist to complete the cancer treatments. Now I go in every three months for marker tests that will then go to every six months till I reach the five year mark. Now I'm on my own. Now I make the choices of my lifestyle and do what I can to keep this cancer from returning.<br /><br />So what am I doing? Running, running, and running (Jared registered me for the Top of Utah half marathon in August). Drinking lots of water, water, and water. (I LOVE water) And changing our diet. I'm working toward a more plant based diet. Not vegan or vegetarian. Just more plant based. More nutrient based.<br /><br />And that is what this blog is evolving into. I want to share my food and healthy lifestyle tips and tricks. Share what works for me. I'll still continue to share my spiritual journey as well. It's all about the healthy and not the sicky now. Come join me. Let me know what you are doing to live healthy.<br /><br />I have a growing interest in food and how it helps the body. I love to get down to the science of it. In my mind, food should be really yummy and enjoyable. So much of our lifestyle is based around eating, eating together and enjoying it. For so long healthy and enjoyment have not gone together. But over the years I have watched food show after food show with gourmet chefs talking about the simplicity of good food. Fresh, simple, flavorful ingredients and the cooking techniques that bring out those flavors . That is what I have been exploring. And it's what I want to share. Food where you taste the good on their own, not covered up by creams and sauces. Real food. Low fat, low calories. Yes it's possible. If I can get my family to fight over brussel sprouts...and I have...it's possible! <br /><br />So here it goes with my first recipe. It's a curried carrot soup full of beta carotene...lots of orange colored veggies in this one and yummy, yummy, yummy and easy,easy, easy soup. <br /><br /><h2>Curried Carrot Soup With Cornbread Croutons</h2> <div class="author_fmt"> By <a href="http://www.webmd.com/karina-allrich">The Gluten Free Goddess</a><br />WebMD Recipe from Foodily.com </div> <div class="reviewedBy_fmt"> </div> <p> </p> <p> <img src="http://img.webmd.com/dtmcms/live/webmd/consumer_assets/site_images/articles/recipes/_foodily/curried_carrot_soup_with_cornbread_croutons.jpg" alt="Picture of Curried Carrot Soup " style=" float: right;" align="" border="0" />Slow cookers are just the best when the weather turns warm and breezy. It frees you up from kitchen duty just when you need it most -- supper time. Enjoy the time with your friends and family, and let the crock pot do all the heavy work!</p> <h3>Ingredients</h3> <p>Olive oil<br />1 clove garlic, chopped<br />1 to 2 teaspoons mild gluten-free curry powder, or to taste (can substitute with regular curry powder)<br />1 leek<br />4 large carrots<br />1 sweet potato<br />Half a banana squash {butternut will do in a pinch}<br />Fresh water, as needed<br />Sea salt, to taste</p> <p>Gluten-Free Cornbread Mix (can substitute with regular cornbread mix)</p> <p>1/2 teaspoon sea salt<br />1 teaspoon chili powder<br />2 tablespoons chopped jalapenos</p> <h3>Instructions</h3> <p>For the soup:</p> <p>Plug in your slow cooker and turn it on to high. Pour a drizzle of olive oil into the bottom. Add in the chopped garlic and curry powder. Stir and cover. Let the curry infuse the oil as you chop the vegetables. Wash the leek, trim, and slice the white section. Peel, trim, and chop the carrots. Peel and chop the sweet potato and squash. Place all the chopped veggies into the warm crock and stir. Add just enough fresh water to cover them. Season the soup with sea salt to taste and cover. </p> <p>If you keep the soup on high it will cook faster -- say, four hours or so, depending on your make and model. If you need to stretch out the cooking time, turn the slow cooker on to low. It will be ready in perhaps six hours. If you need to stretch it a bit longer I don't think it would hurt, as long as you've put enough water in the crock. The soup is ready when the carrots are tender and split easily using a fork.</p> <p>Puree the soup with an immersion blender until the soup is silky smooth. Taste test. If it cooked down too much and is a tad thick, add some liquid {for extra creaminess use a dash of coconut milk, although I didn't add any extra "milk" and we loved the fresh, clean taste} and gently heat through for another 10 minutes. Serve with pan toasted cornbread croutons.</p> <p>For the easy cornbread croutons:</p> <p>Started with Gluten-Free Cornbread Mix. Follow the directions on the package, substituting the eggs, and using water and olive oil to keep it vegan.</p> <p>Add the following ingredients to the mix:</p> <p>1/2 teaspoon sea salt<br />1 teaspoon chili powder<br />2 tablespoons chopped jalapenos {skip if you need it less spicy}</p> <p>Baked the mix in a 9-inch cake pan and cooled it on a rack. Slice the cornbread into eight wedges; then wrap each one in recycled foil, and bag for freezing. Use one thawed piece of cornbread for two people. Cut the cornbread into cubes. Heat a skillet over medium-high heat and drizzle in some olive oil. Add the cubes of cornbread. Gently toss them from time to time as they sizzle and get golden. Remove with soft-tip tongs. Serve hot sizzling croutons on top of the soup.</p> <p>Total Servings: 4</p><p><br /></p><p>I chose not to make the bread crumbs and just make cornbread. I also doubled the recipe to make enough for my gang and have some leftovers. It freezes well in small containers and was great for lunches. To bump up the protein a bit I added a 1/4 cup of low fat cottage cheese to the warm bowl of soup. I wish I had some now as look out and see the snow falling yet again.<br /></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4044990117176018823.post-85124000492816193392010-12-12T18:33:00.002-07:002010-12-12T19:09:23.418-07:00Don't Waste Your CancerA dear friend of mine recently sent me an email message with the text from another cancer blog. It is titled, "Don't Waste Your Cancer" and I couldn't agree with it more. I wanted to re-post it here as the message is so good. Not all of us will have to personally fight cancer but we will ALL have trials of our own. As you read, I ask you to replace the word "cancer" with the personal trial you have or are now facing.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">I had a friend of mine die a few months ago from cancer... his wife posted this the other day and I just had to share it with you...</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">1. You will waste your cancer if you do not believe it is designed for you by God.</span><br /><br /> <br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"> 2. You will waste your cancer if you believe it is a curse and not a gift.</span><br /><br /> <br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"> 3. You will waste your cancer if you seek comfort from your odds rather than from God.</span><br /><br /> <br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"> 4. You will waste your cancer if you refuse to think about death.</span><br /><br /> <br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"> 5. You will waste your cancer if you think that "beating" cancer means staying alive rather than cherishing Christ.</span><br /><br /> <br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"> 6. You will waste your cancer if you spend too much time reading about cancer and not enough time reading about God.</span><br /><br /> <br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"> 7. You will waste your cancer if you let it drive you into solitude instead of deepen your relationships with manifest affection.</span><br /><br /> <br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"> 8. You will waste your cancer if you grieve as those who have no hope.</span><br /><br /> <br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"> 9. You will waste your cancer if you treat sin as casually as before.</span><br /><br /> <br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"> 10. You will waste your cancer if you fail to use it as a means of witness to the truth and glory of Christ.</span><br /><br /><br /><br />Powerful insight. I believe this life is less about living as long as we can and more about learning to follow God's will for us. I know He loves each one of His children. We are His children. He can make more of the years we have in this life than we can. I believe it is through our trials that we grow to be like Him and overcome those things that hold us back from true happiness. I look back to my time with cancer as a positive experience because I didn't waste it. I have had a good life. A hard life, but a good life. Let us not waste our trials...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4044990117176018823.post-32491314750711860182010-10-31T20:59:00.007-06:002010-11-02T19:17:39.729-06:00A YearOctober 30, 2009 I spent the evening in the emergency room with heart attack symptoms. This year I couldn't help but be grateful for that night. I was set on the path to finding my stage 3 aggressive breast cancer and today I am living and better than I was a year ago.<br /><br />Chest pain started part way through the day on Friday. I took a pain pill to be able to make it through the day. I was the Parent Organization President (like PTA President) and we had fall class parties to pull off. I felt a big responsibility to stay at school despite how I was feeling. As the last hour of the day neared and the parties began, I made my way around the school to check on each class and how things were going. The pain I was feeling had spread through my chest, down my left arm...all the typical heart attack symptoms. I tried to rationalize the pain, but was getting more and more scared. What added to the fear was that my father had died a year younger than I was at that time of a heart aneurysm. I thought I might be headed for the same thing.<br /><br />After talking with Jared he decided we were going in, first to the insta-care and then to the emergency room. I had multiple EKG's, X-rays, blood tests... and nothing, no reason for the chest pain. I was released from the hospital to follow-up with my family doctor. My family doctor canceled three appointments on me while I was still having my chest pain! I was so frustrated by the last cancellation phone call that I called my gynecologist in tears not knowing what else to do. She told me to get into her office and she could at least start looking into the problem and figure out what I needed to do. As we talked, I remembered a spot on my right breast I had found. It didn't seem like what I understood cancer to feel like, but since we were looking into everything, I had her check it. She thought the same thing, that it wasn't really a concern, but she had me. For a couple of years she had been suggesting I go in for a baseline mammogram, now she could get me to do it. Because she could send it in as a diagnostic, I got an appointment right away rather than the typical 6 weeks. (Interesting enough, the chest pain subsided once the mammogram was scheduled. My first miracle).<br /><br />I had a 7:00 am mammogram appointment. I didn't have to be at work until 8:30, so I didn't bother to get a sub. I figured I would be done in time and would get to school on time with no problem. I remember feeling very nervous, but the mammogram center was so calm and peaceful I relaxed and even enjoyed the experience, at least at first. The initial films were made and the radiologist left the room to check with the doctor. She came back in and said the doctor requested a few more films. I like be thorough, this was good. Then the films turned to needing an ultrasound and then a long wait. By this time I was going to be late for work and my cell phone had died. (What a day to have forgotten to charge my phone). Soon I was called back to meet with the doctor.<br /><br />I walked in to a long narrow office. The room was dark. Large computer monitors lined the desk that spanned the length of the room and provided the only light. The doctor sat with his back to me at first as he looked at all the films of my breast before him. He introduced himself as Dr Mortensen and invited me to sit down in a chair facing the monitors. I sat looking at the images, dark with brilliant star like spots. They were pretty, just like star gazing on dark clear night. I was told that those "stars" were breast cancer, 5 tumors.<br /><br />Just like that. I had cancer. I was stunned and not sure how to react. Then just as quickly as I heard the word C A N C E R, I felt at peace. The peace that only comes from One who has felt the pain of all the world and overcome. I felt instantly held by my Savior, Jesus Christ and I decided right then that this was in His hands and I would submit myself to His will.<br /><br />I then needed to have a biopsy performed to be sure. There was a biopsy appointment cancellation so I was able to get in later that same day and with Dr. Mortensen performing the biopsy. It was nice to be able to have the same team work with me through the whole day's process.<br /><br />I left the women's center and walked to the van. By that time I was numb. I somehow made my way home and called Jared at work. He came home right away and spent the rest of the day with me, taking me to the biopsy, holding my hand and hugging me close.<br /><br />It was soon time to pick up the kids at school. We brought them home and called them to the living room, a room where we have read scriptures, prayed and gain strength from each others testimonies. Now it was time to put that faith to work. We talked about cancer and we cried and cried some more. Then we decided we would laugh. We would cry when we needed to, but we would laugh.<br /><br />A bit later the phone rang. Jared answered it and then handed it to me to talk. As he did so, he said that the phone was going to die (the battery was low). Tia, without skipping a beat, said... "Dad, did you say the phone was going to die, or Mom was going to die?" Everyone paused and looked at me to see how I would react. I began laughing and told Tia that her joke was exactly what we needed. That set the tone. Nothing was off limits to joke about. We told our children everything along the way and gave them power to help us get through this together as a family.<br /><br />A year ago I had chest pain. It led to a diagnosis I never would have asked for, but am so grateful for now. Heavenly Father is very aware of each of us and knows just what we need. It is up to us as to how we will handle it and what we will allow Him to make of or lives. It's amazing what a year can do...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4044990117176018823.post-45969971895506930922010-07-20T19:05:00.008-06:002010-07-21T15:11:26.890-06:00It's Been Too Long<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs284.snc3/27845_421241655158_766270158_5340389_7289508_n.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 371px; height: 480px;" src="http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs284.snc3/27845_421241655158_766270158_5340389_7289508_n.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /> I'm not even sure where to begin. It has been so long since I have updated. I went through a time of being tired of cancer and I didn't want to deal with anything I didn't have to, including blogging. I will try and fill in the blanks over the next few weeks.<br /><br />I have completed the aggressive cancer treatments! Who-hoo! I am amazed at what has happened to me over the last 8 months. And even more amazed at the fact that I am now considered a cancer survivor. To be a survivor, one has to have had cancer. I have had cancer. That is huge. I thought cancer was something bigger than I am. Something that couldn't happen to me because I wouldn't know what to do. I thought it would consume me. Cancer though, isn't picky. It got me anyway. But it didn't consume me. I AM BIGGER THAN CANCER. I beat it! I am here. I am living.<br /><br />Chemo was hard. It hurt. It affected my body in ways I had no idea were even connected. I am 15 weeks post chemo and still struggle with the pain and fatigue.<br />Radiation was much easier for me than the chemo. My skin held up quite well for the first 4 weeks. The last two weeks I began to burn, but even that was nothing compared to the chemo effects.<br /><br />A few weeks post radiation I began to get some energy back. The kids an I spent some days doing yard work and I got back to running/walking in the mornings. I felt like I was getting my life back again. It felt so good! However I began to hurt. I thought it first was just my weak muscles trying to gain strength, but the pain was more than that. It was the same pain I felt with Taxol; the deep muscle and bone pain. I pushed it for a few days, hoping to just work through it. The pain and fatigue only got worse. I talked with the nurses at the cancer center and was told I had to slow down. The chemo is still in my body and my body is still fighting.<br /><br />I thought I was done. I thought I could start living for me. But I am still fighting for me. Fighting for my life. I am learning that I must be still, be patient. If I push in any small increment, I am tired and hurting the next day. All day. I've been told it will take two seasons to feel myself again and have the strength to push the way I want to. That means not until Christmas.<br />Christmas. A holiday that holds deep meaning for me. I had an experience about 6 years ago, just before Christmas, where I gained a deep understanding of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Not an understanding of the mind, but of my spirit and my heart. I gained my spiritual life back in a way I didn't know I needed. This Christmas I will have gained a deeper understanding of the Atonement of Jesus Christ for my physical life. For I know that He suffered not just for my sins, but for my pains. He knows what I have suffered this year because he once felt what I have suffered.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4044990117176018823.post-44934944895386220922010-04-25T15:40:00.009-06:002010-04-26T17:04:07.370-06:00Thank-you GrandpaCancer has given me an increased amount of time to sit and think. I have pondered the meaning of trials in our lives, from a variety of angles. Recently I spent time with my mom and two of my aunts. They reminded me of something my Grandpa used to do.<br /><br /> For years, while their children were young, Grandpa used to pray that his family would have "interesting lives". Grandma didn't take to this request too kindly, knowing that Heavenly Father's idea of "interesting lives" could be quite different than theirs. As their children have left home to have families of their own, and now the next generation has begun to do the same...lives have become interesting. Grandpa, who now stands with Grandma in the next life, watches as his petition is answered on the heads of his family. He is unable to defend himself as his children jokingly mock him for the trials they are blessed to endure.<br /><br /> Interesting lives. I wish I could talk to Grandpa and find out what his intentions were. What did he want for his children? Grandpa loved life. He loved fishing, from shallow lakes in the mountains to the depths of the ocean. He loved traveling the roads on his Honda Gold Wing or his Ford Falcon, or his RV, with Grandma right beside him. And the only thing that made it all better was experiencing it with his family. Family was his motivation for everything. And for them, he wanted "interesting lives".<br /><br /> Looking back over my life, it has been anything but easy. Interesting might describe it. Having lost one brother to cancer and one to a car accident, my Father to heart problems, my Grandma to cancer, and my Grandpa to Dementia related to Parkinson, while having gained a (step) Father as a teenager, not to mention the many trials my own actions landed me in, perspective is something I feel I have gained. I have learned and grown stronger as a result. On the up side, I was able to live and struggle with college room mates and missionary companions, adjust to being married just months after returning home from a mission, and having 4 children in the first 5 years of marriage. All blessings, and again all ways to struggle and grow.<br /><br /> And now I sit here, with what may be the trial of my life. Cancer. Where would I be now, without the "interesting life" of my past to strengthen me? And there begins my new understanding of trials. We need them. We need them so much more than we need an easy life. Our Heavenly Father's full purpose in us being here is to give us every opportunity to become like he is. He wants us to return to Him, and continue to grow and learn and have every opportunity He has. The more we gain in this life, the better off we will be in the life to come. He has promised us that he will not give us more than we can handle, but he will push us, and try us, and test us. As we turn to Jesus Christ, and rely on His strength and love for us, we can accomplish even more.<br /><br /> So thank-you Grandpa. Thank-you for wanting more for us. Thank-you for having the faith to ask, and the understanding to know it is for our good.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4044990117176018823.post-24899519948095121112010-03-29T20:07:00.005-06:002010-03-30T23:18:31.025-06:00Beware of the Clear DevilIt's been far too long since I've posted anything. I'm sorry. That is in part to how I have been feeling. I have started a new chemo drug, Taxol, that is taking everything I've got. I thought Red Devil was bad...meet the Clear Devil. It's sneaky!<br /><br />So what is different?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:verdana;" >Bone Pain</span>...deep bone pain. Imagine the pain of spraining both your ankles. Then have that same pain radiate up your legs to your hips and settle there. That's how I felt with the first dose. That's when I went back on pain meds. I (now) like pain pills...and fortunately they like me. The second dose, that same pain went from my hips and up, with sparks of pain in my legs and ankles. More pain meds.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:verdana;" >Chemo Induced Neuropathy</span>...continues from Red Devil. My hands first burned and itched, which we realized was the chemo breaking through the skin. One weekend when I was down in bed, Jared brought a bowl of fresh water for me to rinse my hands, every hour. (Yes, I have a good husband. The first time he rinsed the bowl out with water using his bare hands. His hands began to burn!) From there the neuropathy causes the fingers to swell and tingle and HURT. That goes along with the blistering and peeling of the skin. Now I have the pain concentrated in my fingertips and I have yellow, red, and purple fingernails that are becoming grossly misshaped . My feet are just a step behind in going through the same phases. I have to wear crocs or other thick soled shoes to be able to walk. My feet are peeling and my nails are beginning to have the same lovely manicure. The fun of it all is that I have started over with my hands burning...starting the whole process all over again. Some days I haven't been able to dress myself. Simple tasks like filing papers at school have become impossible. Holding on to the steering wheel is painful. Even trying to turn pages, or pick things up, or open containers is a huge challenge.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:verdana;" >Toxic Tears</span>...I tear most of the time now. And these are chemo laced tears. Sometimes I'm crying, but most of the time I look like I am. The edges of my eyelids are sore and burning. I am enduring my second sty, and I never used to get sties. Sometimes my eyes are glued shut in the morning. But there is no eye infection. No germs could live in these eyes! I am just hoping to hold on to my eye lashes. Please, just hold on!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:verdana;" >Nose Drips</span>...When I was told I would loose my hair, I thought of the hair on my head, maybe my eyelashes and eyebrows...of course thrilled to loose arm pit and leg hair....but I didn't think about the nose hairs! And I wouldn't have thought of what that would do. Have you ever had a runny nose? Have you ever had it for 3 months straight? Have you ever had it for 3 months with out nose hair? I was never grateful for nose hair. I am now. Those little growths we try so hard not to let show have a vital purpose. THEY SLOW DOWN THE DRIPS!!! Chemo had cleared my sinuses and it keeps clearing them. I have a constant flow...of clear liquid...from my nose. Agh! I can't go anywhere or do anything without a supply of tissues. They are in my pockets, my purse, my bags, my coats, my car, my everything! And at least one it my hand, constantly. Oh yes, I am grateful for tissues too!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:verdana;" >Fatigue</span>...Not that I didn't have fatigue on Red Devil, but this is constant. I don't fully bounce back like I did before. Gone are the days where I felt close to human again, if only for a few days. My body now is heavy all the time. I fight the impulse to daydream about my bed constantly. Or if I am home, to just crawl in and sleep for the day, and the next day, and the next...<br /><br />I'd tell you more...but I can't remember...Oh yes, <span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:verdana;" >Chemo Brain</span>! That has been a constant. I forget words or thoughts, or even whole conversations. Now, I did this before cancer, but now it's really gone. I have no connections in my brain to even dig for the missing information. It's a barren wasteland of blank, of nothingness. Gone!<br /><br />I am amazed at how cancer has a way of getting into every part, every nook-n-cranny of life. Each day it's something new. But despite it all, I am grateful for the journey. I would have never known the depth of this disease. I would have never have known the heights of being carried in the midst of this disease. I would have never known my Savior with the intensity that I know HIM...without this disease. Now I KNOW....Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4044990117176018823.post-11640214619535324562010-02-18T22:06:00.004-07:002011-04-17T12:04:11.383-06:00The Bands Were Loosed<span style="font-size:100%;">Whoohoo! I had my last treatment of the Red Devil today! Only 4 treatments left of Taxol and Chemo will be over. I can say good bye to the side affects!<br /><br />While it definately hasn't been fun, chemo has not been as bad as I had anticipated. I have wondered why. How is it possible? This is chemo!! I lost my hair. I'm nauseous. I'm fatigued. I have random aches and pains throughout my body. How is it that I am so positive and happy?<br /><br />An answer came to me today during treatment as I was reading from the Book of Mormon. Nephi is commanded to go with his brother from the wilderness, back to Jerusalem to get Ishmael and his family and bring them along. On the way back to the wilderness, his brothers start murmuring again and want to stay in Jerusalem. Nephi explains that the city will be destroyed because of wickedness. His brothers get angry with Nephi.<br /></span><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /><span style="font-style: italic;font-size:85%;" ><br /></span></span><span style="font-style: italic;font-size:85%;" >16 And it came to pass that when I, Nephi, had spoken these words unto my brethren, they were angry with me. And it came to pass that they did lay their hands upon me, for behold, they were exceedingly wroth, and they did bind me with cords, for they sought to take away my life, that they might leave me in the wilderness to be devoured by wild beasts. </span> <div style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;" class="verse"><span style="font-size:85%;"><a name="17"></a></span> <div onclick="return toggleMarked(event, this)" style="text-align: left;" id="1_ne/7/17"><span style="font-size:85%;"> 17 But it came to pass that I prayed unto the Lord, saying: O Lord, according to my faith which is in thee, wilt thou deliver me from the hands of my brethren; yea, even give me strength that I may burst these bands with which I am bound. </span></div> </div><div style="font-style: italic;"> </div><div class="verse"><div style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><a name="18"></a></span> </div><div onclick="return toggleMarked(event, this)" style="text-align: left;" id="1_ne/7/18"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-style: italic;font-size:85%;" > 18 And it came to pass that when I had said these words, behold, the bands were loosed from off my feet, and I stood before my brethren, and I spake unto them again. (1 Nephi 7:17-18)</span><br /><br />According to Nephi's faith in Jesus Christ, the band were loosed and he was able to complete the task given him. Nephi prayed to have the strength to loose the bands himself. That was not how his prayer was answered. The bands were loosed <span style="font-weight: bold;">FOR</span> him, according to his faith. I know I can't loose the bands of chemo myself. I too have been given a task and a trial to go through. Because of my faith is Jesus Christ, my bands have been loosed, or lightened, that I am able to bare them. Chemo is taking me to the very end of what I can physically bare, but spiritually I have never been stronger.<br /><br />I know Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ live. I know they are very aware of me, more so than I have ever felt it before. Each stage of this trial solidifies that knowledge, deeper and stronger. My bands have been loosed.<br /></span></div> </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4044990117176018823.post-81458660602120835252010-02-15T10:24:00.005-07:002010-02-15T15:56:51.932-07:00Loving the HillsSo the more people that know about a goal, the more likely you are to keep with it. I decided this weekend that I would start going out in the morning with Jared and Amily as they do their 1/2 marathon training. Exercise is one of the best ways to fight the fatigue and I also will be switching to my new chemo drug in 3 weeks which can affect the heart. That is two reasons to get out and get as strong as I can. I do my own route and then we meet them back at the end to walk up the hill back home together.<br /><br />I started this morning with them. Well, I watch them run ahead of me...speed isn't what I am going for...just getting out there and moving is good right now. I did one of my favorite routes from the summer. It's a weave to the south that involves a few hills. I love hills much more than flats (running that is, not breasts....I'm a 50/50 split on those). I love running the hills and feeling the push to get to the top. This morning I started on the first hill as a test to see if I could still do it. I started up and soon my lungs were starting to give me trouble as they did in the summer. Then the song "Pink Warrior" started on my Ipod (thanks D. for telling me about the song!) That gave me a bit of a push and I remembered a podcast I had listen to by Elder and Sister Dalton. They talked about running together, and as a family, and how their experiences made them stronger for life. One experience they shared was when they were running together on a hill and Sister Dalton wanted to stop. She told her husband and he said "You never make decisions on the hill, keep pushing". They made it to the top and she was stronger for it. I pushed to the top of my hill this morning and it felt so good.<br />Some days, I won't be able to make it out. I know that. I will have to listen to my body every step of the way. When I can push, I will push. When I need sleep I will sleep. But I am young, I am strong, and I intend to stay that way. Well, I intend to stay strong...age is another story I suppose. Why is it we always feel younger inside than what the calendar says? I suppose it's just another hill.<br /><br />I love the hills. Running them. Fighting them. Making it to the top. I love it.<br /><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/egOpwNeW2jc&hl=en_US&fs=1&"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/egOpwNeW2jc&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="344" width="425"></embed></object>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4044990117176018823.post-81127494854664212592010-02-10T17:11:00.002-07:002010-02-10T17:44:03.152-07:00The DownsI have had so many up days, I guess it's time for some downs. I had to leave school early on Monday. I was so tired and couldn't function. I kept wondering how I would get through the day. Then at recess with the kids, I realized that the only information my brain could process was right in front of me. I couldn't take in any peripheral information. When helping watch 90 first graders on sleds and the playground covered in snow, peripheral vision is a necessity. At that point I realized I couldn't perform my job and help keep the kids safe, so off I went home. And slept, and slept and slept. It's Wednesday now, and I still could sleep and sleep and sleep.<br /><br />I don't like sitting around doing nothing. I need to be able to move, work, accomplish. This set back has knocked me off my feet physically, but even more...emotionally. I have fought feelings of failure. I feel like I am letting my family down as well as those I work with. I see the worry in my children's eyes and that saddens me. I can tell them that I am okay, but they see, for now, that I am not. And to a child, a mommy sick is a scary thing. <br /><br />I am learning that my battle isn't all going to be stubborn and strong. I'm down in the trenches of my blankets, letting my body use the energy it needs to fight from inside. And that is enough. Superwoman took a backseat this week, and not to be a backseat driver!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4044990117176018823.post-10647938789834605332010-02-04T22:37:00.003-07:002010-02-05T15:29:27.093-07:00Wig PhilosophyI have had various people ask me if I will wear a wig. My answer is, "no". And maybe not for the reasons you might think.<br /><br />Today is world wide cancer day. How many people did you see today that have cancer. You may have seen more than you think. According to the Lance Armstrong website, by the year 2030 the ratio for cancer will be 1 in 2! Did you catch that??? ONE IN TWO will be diagnosed with this disease in one form or another unless something changes. That is staggering. It becomes more of "when" I get cancer, not "if".<br /><br />I went with a friend today for her first radiation treatment. A friend that was diagnosed after I was. I already have a friend sharing my battle personally. (I also have a neighbor up the hill from me that was just diagnosed, it's too many, too soon). While I sat in the waiting room, another woman came in to prep for her radiation. She was pretty emotional. She survived (I believe, breast)cancer two years ago, and it has come back in another place. She was overcome and distraught. We had a good talk in the short time before she was called in for her treatment. My heart really went out to her. I then went in for my third chemo treatment. I sat in a room full of cancer patients. I <span style="font-weight: bold;">know</span> I saw people with cancer. But who may have had it that I didn't recognize while I had lunch with my Mom or while I was at the store getting my prescriptions?<br /><br />Do you know if that person standing next to you in line is wearing a wig? Is that woman with the really short hair finally able to go without her wig because she now has her own hair if only a little bit? What about the man who is bald. Is he bald by genetics? By choice? By chemo?<br /><br />We just don't know. And that is the shame of it. Pink ribbons have their place. They have supported me. They have supported my friends and family at a time we really needed it. I am honored by those at school that still wear their pink ribbons for me on their lanyards each day. But I have come far enough in my battle that cancer isn't pretty in pink. It's scaring, it's bruising, is disforming, it's nauseating, it's ugly...<br /><br />...And it's hidden. Hidden under a wig. Society prefers it that way. It can turn a blind eye much easier and ignore that cancer doesn't just happen to strangers, or the person across the restaurant, but it happened to me and it happen to us, and it can happen to YOU.<br /><br />Think of it. If every chemo patient that lost their hair let it show...society would see how invasive it is. That would do more for cancer awareness than a boat load of pink or any other cancer awareness color.<br /><br />And so I wear hats. Hats with no hair peeking out. I wear scarves that are flat on my head. And when it gets warmer, I may even be brave enough to go bald. I am my own cancer awareness campaign. I have nothing to hide. I have everything to show. Call me stubborn, but for a small time, in my own way, maybe I can make a difference. Will it be a difference in you? Are you aware enough to do something about it? Do a check, make an appointment?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4044990117176018823.post-31626653770424856292010-02-02T16:19:00.006-07:002010-02-02T16:36:07.412-07:00You're Hurting<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdMolouErsBneVu_c0tMqoG5Os2wfBoNg2bZ9BDOa7ryc05nCTKYL37eLG55Kg2_nHhbDjMG7Cw4meDCXxMe8Lq4XDG2eOr0bg0GiXpDJzgnWkkPJq1agYIaTvJzJnieawwfWhH19AIRQ/s1600-h/IMG_8796.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdMolouErsBneVu_c0tMqoG5Os2wfBoNg2bZ9BDOa7ryc05nCTKYL37eLG55Kg2_nHhbDjMG7Cw4meDCXxMe8Lq4XDG2eOr0bg0GiXpDJzgnWkkPJq1agYIaTvJzJnieawwfWhH19AIRQ/s400/IMG_8796.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5433793322417319666" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br />My oldest daughter, Amily, shared one of her poems with me. Her English class is just wrapping up their poetry segment. I was very touched. She said it's feelings from when I was first diagnosed.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:130%;">You're Hurting</span><br /><br />I walk into the room,<br />I see you crying.<br />You say everything's okay,<br />But I know you're lying.<br /><br />I can't watch this.<br />How do I stop it?<br />"Just be strong, strong for me,<br />Nothing can make it quit"<br /><br />Mommy you're hurting, you're hurting<br />I wanna stop it.<br /><br />I'm trying to be strong,<br />Just for you.<br />By hiding what I'm feeling,<br />About what you can't do.<br /><br />I know you're not going to leave,<br />I know it will be okay.<br />But it's hard to see you hurting,<br />Every single day.<br /><br />Mommy you're hurting, you're hurting,<br />I wanna stop it.<br /><br /><br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4044990117176018823.post-42027605371198453792010-01-31T16:00:00.003-07:002010-01-31T18:40:41.010-07:00Peace of MindI love Sundays. Especially when it is a good as it was today. Everything seemed to touch me and have a message. Though the meetings were all wonderful, the last song in Relief Society (the women's meeting) touched me the most. It is a great explanation of the power by which I have fought my battle thus far. You can hear the song by going <a href="http://www.lds.org/churchmusic/detailmusicPlayer/index.html?searchlanguage=1&searchcollection=1&searchseqstart=128&searchsubseqstart=%20&searchseqend=128&searchsubseqend=ZZZ">here</a>.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:130%;">When Faith Endures</span><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I will not doubt, I will not fear.<br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">God's love and strength are always near.<br />His promised gift helps me to find,<br />An inner strength and peace of mind.<br />I give the Father willingly<br />My trust, my prayers, humility.<br />His spirit guides, His love assures,<br />That fear departs, when faith endures.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;">Specifically what touched me today is the phrase...peace of mind. I truly have a peace of mind. Cancer, with all it ugliness, doesn't have power over my mind and heart. My Father in Heaven has promised me that I will survive, and "His promised gift helps me to find and inner strength and <span style="font-weight: bold;">peace of mind</span>" I can look at all that I must go through as another step in the fulfillment of that promise. I also was told that this trial is for my growth, and the growth of my family. Purpose is another powerful tool. By knowing the purpose, I can then focus on the growth I am to achieve.<br /><br />I can see already that I am growing. I can also see growth in my family. I love who we are becoming. Cancer is already a blessing. I have desires to accomplish things now that I wouldn't have considered in the past.<br /><br />My knowledge of spiritual things has grown. I have come to understand by experience that there is a language of the Spirit of God that is not understood or explained by any earthly language. My eyes couldn't not see God and tell my heart anymore than I already know by the Spirit. I can say that I KNOW God lives. I KNOW Jesus Christ suffered my pain and died for me, and that He lives today to carry me. I KNOW that this life is for us to become more refined and more faithful, more humble and more teachable, more like Jesus Christ in all His attributes. <br /><br /><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /><br /></div><br /><br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4044990117176018823.post-91238368123932281192010-01-24T13:30:00.014-07:002010-01-24T14:31:21.851-07:00Hair by Cancer, Strong by ChoiceSo my journey continues with cancer. The next new phase was the hair. The first step was making the call to my friend Marina to have it cut short. That call was a hard one to make. My hair represented a new lifestyle that Jared and I work hard on this summer with our running and eating healthy. The layers in my hair had grown out just enough to be able to pull all my hair back in a ponytail without clips. I loved it! I worked for it, and now cancer was taking it away.<br />Marina was wonderful at keeping me talking and distracted during the cut. Just what I nee<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQQFcsCn3-vuVVOC51hmVyeFmRqMnIkZdrsX3lJw6HvLUcsSMniYpI4Xh_ESf8fnRE5_5bOaNjQ4WVIcseTDvjfD7y8FgGgRcAa4jwcOB8ZXrpDZ3RvfxrOpRj3BB_trYe-VNLZ9sNsk0/s1600-h/cancer+hair+001.JPG"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQQFcsCn3-vuVVOC51hmVyeFmRqMnIkZdrsX3lJw6HvLUcsSMniYpI4Xh_ESf8fnRE5_5bOaNjQ4WVIcseTDvjfD7y8FgGgRcAa4jwcOB8ZXrpDZ3RvfxrOpRj3BB_trYe-VNLZ9sNsk0/s200/cancer+hair+001.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5430408708353119634" border="0" /></a>ded. It was fun to catch up on the Wellsville happenings and the changes in ward boundaries in the 2 two years we've been gone.<br />So here I am with my cute short do.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9xurVF3qelG1F5lZAw1YRO6vSCF6KB1boFpGu6mJ6vsgSjDGUQnOcUGxyCsoaacbNfgRHB4w0CvhFo-d64rdCwUbuPI2JDmpS26TLgXC9O14S-nZeZCB1PoW0mWdQnCUbNUm8kVUD480/s1600-h/cancer+hair+004.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9xurVF3qelG1F5lZAw1YRO6vSCF6KB1boFpGu6mJ6vsgSjDGUQnOcUGxyCsoaacbNfgRHB4w0CvhFo-d64rdCwUbuPI2JDmpS26TLgXC9O14S-nZeZCB1PoW0mWdQnCUbNUm8kVUD480/s200/cancer+hair+004.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5430408985297828402" border="0" /></a>I've had a few good weeks with my new hair do, having fun with a new look. And then came day 12 after my first chemo treatment. My hair began letting go. I could pull handfuls out at a time. Then I took a shower...and clog the drain...for 4 days in a row! Here is what I would have to clean out after each shower. <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcYAaYL9VBk76DajPrd5nPa3Y4n4WCL8_RbpAEFS_q3dFyBvyhjaZ1ygGVzAZRLfPDvBt-QgjG3AKovoF_SDnZh0Q8ytQGm5zuRKs4SxA-pdL2sNRBfNgJiHxfRONj8q1d3-PhFz07XvE/s1600-h/cancer+hair+064.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcYAaYL9VBk76DajPrd5nPa3Y4n4WCL8_RbpAEFS_q3dFyBvyhjaZ1ygGVzAZRLfPDvBt-QgjG3AKovoF_SDnZh0Q8ytQGm5zuRKs4SxA-pdL2sNRBfNgJiHxfRONj8q1d3-PhFz07XvE/s200/cancer+hair+064.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5430410516415570418" border="0" /></a><br />Friday I wore a scarf across the front of my hair to help hold it all in and not shed on the little first graders I work with. It was a fun sassy look to play with. Saturday I wore a hat to the mall, while we tried to find some appropriate scarves for church. We ended up at Joannes buying fabric. And that worked well.<br /><br />Later that night we had a family hair shaving party. First I shaved Jordan and Jared's hair, cut Tia's and then everyone (minus Jordan who then fell asleep, deeply) cut and shaved my head. I was amazed at how it really didn't affect me. I have really come to find that I am not a vain person. There is more to this than loosing my femininity. In fact It's more about finding it.<br /><br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj3Lnx62LbN0BqVNH3EhNR6bKTy8e6Nu8Bu2uN8yoT8npwuuvJbtPQ23JnW2QLxtPW0axi8TbSufsVqhb8JXFBXVNIry8yz_yNf1Cbjt28L1GcS0dUmbndbR9cnf7kCxgcTGDHhs49wZ0/s1600-h/cancer+hair+007.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj3Lnx62LbN0BqVNH3EhNR6bKTy8e6Nu8Bu2uN8yoT8npwuuvJbtPQ23JnW2QLxtPW0axi8TbSufsVqhb8JXFBXVNIry8yz_yNf1Cbjt28L1GcS0dUmbndbR9cnf7kCxgcTGDHhs49wZ0/s400/cancer+hair+007.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5430418895827154226" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDoL1370hfY4xmNR3WwdI-n4rrIUXAElQMn0RcgnkDLCOe7I1v-l-hZTxxYShpuvAgGBZg6fm9ArkTRraC4XaB7qGGJe1PtOCptycK8pqM6pQLNZJsqVdm6qqi8kawXiEdEmX0NH8ydlk/s1600-h/cancer+hair+010.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDoL1370hfY4xmNR3WwdI-n4rrIUXAElQMn0RcgnkDLCOe7I1v-l-hZTxxYShpuvAgGBZg6fm9ArkTRraC4XaB7qGGJe1PtOCptycK8pqM6pQLNZJsqVdm6qqi8kawXiEdEmX0NH8ydlk/s400/cancer+hair+010.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5430418903278405346" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7F09CAG4G0hI7Z_0YOEg_0YDDauikQNlElGLsbxyq5ESIy6cBvVwBGZfLW-usxziFlRAdSXZ19SSuPCGElc_Yl81fZCMtb3r3Hg2mRBY0A1SSelViqvcW2ncOI0WYp4TRcFamsUe4AVA/s1600-h/cancer+hair+014.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7F09CAG4G0hI7Z_0YOEg_0YDDauikQNlElGLsbxyq5ESIy6cBvVwBGZfLW-usxziFlRAdSXZ19SSuPCGElc_Yl81fZCMtb3r3Hg2mRBY0A1SSelViqvcW2ncOI0WYp4TRcFamsUe4AVA/s400/cancer+hair+014.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5430418913595614658" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgClms-TtfqxqCRnhyY8E3fleAmUw8Erjo2sul2p7Vdoq9J44rlN8AAHmArLjBwv9qB6XqnHsU3uRmIKrt5mklBrf8UH6qyLFmRRC4oief0Y200rrTSJNjqOfoFCb-CEukhx-AUhHnx984/s1600-h/cancer+hair+018.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgClms-TtfqxqCRnhyY8E3fleAmUw8Erjo2sul2p7Vdoq9J44rlN8AAHmArLjBwv9qB6XqnHsU3uRmIKrt5mklBrf8UH6qyLFmRRC4oief0Y200rrTSJNjqOfoFCb-CEukhx-AUhHnx984/s400/cancer+hair+018.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5430418921381746194" border="0" /></a><br />This morning while getting ready for church, I took a good look at my bald head in the mirror and asked Jared why this wasn't bothering me. And then it hit me. I have seen pictures of women who are in this same battle, they are bald, they are fighting, and they are STRONG! And I have joined their ranks. Jared says it makes me look stronger, not weaker. That's how I feel. I am again awed by what I must go through, and the person that I am becoming through it. I am once again grateful for my cancer trial.<br /><br />Here are Jared and I in our matching Sunday attire.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1Mg1BsmBOj9qwWPzL_Vl7nZHhJeVKSW09K7m4gbNz7GYzwX4BlHP7rrY5nFZdGiSjUz7XR5M-BTWBHUcVOxWQOUlgjHCUU625sJ6jbHpyBLjUPqUbRthm1b4bHJAhqmH_XCSfzvntl34/s1600-h/cancer+hair+019.JPG"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1Mg1BsmBOj9qwWPzL_Vl7nZHhJeVKSW09K7m4gbNz7GYzwX4BlHP7rrY5nFZdGiSjUz7XR5M-BTWBHUcVOxWQOUlgjHCUU625sJ6jbHpyBLjUPqUbRthm1b4bHJAhqmH_XCSfzvntl34/s400/cancer+hair+019.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5430417289102514770" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> Me with my boys and our matching hairdos.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJrB3OJtvaN7oOPCai96zPWGyj0HiW5OMP2RNjNh41OQgKx_Thwry6iae_I4jU8C44jFO-ABd0AXjdlEV4473iK8Q9_8TZaMaEvhgoSFPc9XS_k-IfEWKCTHPHohiiynM-hKDK2uPf_Do/s1600-h/cancer+hair+021.JPG"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJrB3OJtvaN7oOPCai96zPWGyj0HiW5OMP2RNjNh41OQgKx_Thwry6iae_I4jU8C44jFO-ABd0AXjdlEV4473iK8Q9_8TZaMaEvhgoSFPc9XS_k-IfEWKCTHPHohiiynM-hKDK2uPf_Do/s400/cancer+hair+021.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5430417872978037170" border="0" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4044990117176018823.post-41130787380157424712010-01-17T18:16:00.002-07:002010-01-17T22:30:40.837-07:00Jen BlossomsI thought I would report on how the first round of chemo has affected me as I count down the days to my second treatment on Thursday. If I have another repeat of the same side effects this next round, I will be a very happy patient.<br /><br />The day of my first treatment, and the next few following hit me with a low level of nausea. As long as I kept food in my tummy, it never got bad. I had a regime of anti nausea drugs to take and another to take as needed. I never had the need to warrant taking any of the "as needed" pills.<br /><br />I did have various pains through out my body. It's as if the chemo drugs are in one lump and travel from place to place affecting here a little and there a little. I also had a cold feeling deep inside for the first couple days. It didn't matter how warm I was on the outside, I was cold inside.<br /><br />The biggest issue has been what feels like a chemical burn on my scalp. It started Monday morning when I woke up feeling like I had a tight little pony-tail on the front right side of my head all night. Problem was, there was no pony-tail to take out and relieve the pain. The rest of the day, more painful spots covered my head till my entire scalp burned. Tuesday the burn spread to the inside of my mouth and then from my ankles to my thighs. I thought by Wednesday morning I would be burning head to toe, and that just about did my stubborn and strong attitude in. However I slept well and woke up with only the burning scalp. That I can handle.<br /><br />My energy level has been good. I have taken care to rest, and nap when possible, after school each day, but I have been able to do just about everything I have wanted to. Saturday we went to SLC and walked around the car show for a few hours and then to IKEA. I forgot my pedometer, I really wanted to know how far I walked. Regardless, my energy stayed up throughout the day, but I sure had one good long nap on the ride home!<br /><br />The burn on my scalp has eased, but not before also turning into pimples all through my hair, across by upper back and chest...and moving to my face. And thus, My Jen Blossoms. Gin blossoms usually happen with drinking alcohol...mine from my chemo cocktail...but Jen Blossoms none the less.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4044990117176018823.post-73415757776898626632010-01-07T20:50:00.005-07:002010-01-07T22:24:48.452-07:00First Chemo Cocktail PartySo the day started out heavy and emotional. I no longer feared the chemo or the unknown so much. The reality of being a cancer patient, however, was showing it's weight again. As my cancer manifesto states...other people get cancer. Not me. But I have it.... And now I get to be sick from it.<br /><br />Jared drove me to the appointment. We sat in the waiting room together...waiting. It was plenty of time to lay my head on his shoulder...then he wrapped his arm around my shoulder...then I cried on his shoulder. The receptionist came over to ask a question, and caught us. She caught my tears. She was very sensitive and understood how heavy this next step can be. Then she promised they would take good care of me, and that they did.<br /><br />Finally they called my name and back we went for vitals, clean and tap into my port, and take some blood. They have a cream to help numb the port sight for the needle poke, but it takes 45 minutes to work. I have it now for upcoming visits. For today I got the numbing freeze spray like is used for having a wart removed. Though it had it's own sting, I am grateful for it. It took all but the last bit of the poke away, and that was enough to know I don't want to do it natural.<br /><br />I then was moved in for the cocktail party. We went to a round room lined with recliners and IV poles. I chose a comfy brown chair and settled in with Jared by my side. Julie, my nurse, started me out with Benedryl and Steroid shots in the IV...and then came the first bag...Adriamycin...Kool Aid as it is called by some nurses...and Red Devil as it is called by the patients who have felt it's fury. Among causing the hair loss, it is also responsible for low blood counts, mouth sores, and discolored nails and urine. (I never knew cancer was so colorful...in the hospital I peed turquoise and now I have peed red).<br /><br />As I was all settled, Jared headed back to work for a meeting. For the duration of the time, I sat in the room with about 6 other patients. They all were older than I except for one Downs Syndrome young man named Gary. He was wrapped pretty tightly in a blanket with his mother right by his side the whole time. He seemed pretty low. I never heard one noise from him. Knowing my cousin Scotty, Downs kids love to talk and pull others to them. Turns out, this was his last chemo treatment. It was quite the party with his parents, sister, and the nurses. Everyone was celebrating, but Gary. I think he just wanted have this yuck, that he didn't understand, to go away and never come back.<br /><br />The other patients didn't seem to have the energy or desire to say much as well. It was interesting being in a room as the youngest patient (at least after Gary got to go home). It just reminded me of the uniqueness of the timing of my cancer. Please, all my family and friends, do your self exams. Husbands of these great women...check them yourselves if you have to! The government and their panel of "experts" aren't interested anymore...don't let that stop you! And don't let the fear of finding a lump stop you!<br /><br />After the Red Devil came a clear chemo drug IV, Cytoxan. It too causes hair loss, but not so bad on the other side effects. What I did notice toward the end of the bag was a numbing of the tip of my tongue and the very center of my top and bottom lip. Since then I have had this cold feeling inside my body, even when plenty warm on the outside. I also have had achy elbows. The nausea did hit after my nap, but not enough to cause eruptions of any kind. When dinner was brought in by our dear Relief Society Presidency, I realized my tummy was empty and just might do better if it had a bit of food. The gamble paid off. Dinner was wonderful and I have been feeling great! So much so, I am full of energy but need to go to bed!<br /><br />After the chemo treatments were done, Jared came and got me. He had a plate of melon and strawberries for me, which tasted wonderful. We then went and picked up my prescriptions to start my own pharmacy here at home. I have always had a little pride that I have not had much beyond vitamins to take in my life. I am humble yet again.<br /><br />We survived the day. I plan to go to work tomorrow and stick with my plans until something I can't get over, under, or around stops me. Life is good and I don't intend to miss it!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4044990117176018823.post-85523772587586236042009-12-29T16:14:00.007-07:002009-12-29T20:30:48.716-07:00The Before Picture<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFrqREeJKQsSahfMKIDjrw7RkQbVyGhQ6UEjRG7rLEVMC4jnXMpL7q-ThuJPdwHzhqw0kuxxOLjRrEQLRmsk9nJeQCXv20KxlJO6lOZXvEtdielsaBiFk_hNVhKxMeqby6saoxNkryt3Q/s1600-h/8d1fcdf1-0a6e-484e-a2b5-323bc68defa2w-1.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5420800828591859474" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFrqREeJKQsSahfMKIDjrw7RkQbVyGhQ6UEjRG7rLEVMC4jnXMpL7q-ThuJPdwHzhqw0kuxxOLjRrEQLRmsk9nJeQCXv20KxlJO6lOZXvEtdielsaBiFk_hNVhKxMeqby6saoxNkryt3Q/s200/8d1fcdf1-0a6e-484e-a2b5-323bc68defa2w-1.jpg" style="cursor: pointer; float: left; height: 206px; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; width: 260px;" /></a>It's been a while since we had a family picture taken. With the news of my diagnosis, we decided it was time. I wanted to get with my friend Jeremi who is a photographer, but time didn't allow for that. So off we went to JC Penny. It was a bit odd to be amongst all the families taking their Christmas pictures and there I was in my pink. We never know what those around us are going through.<br />
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I hope to have pictures taken during my treatments, with my bald head, if it isn't shaped too funny. Then we will have some survivor pictures taken for the "after".<br />
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In the meantime, it's amazing to see how much the kids have grown. I rather like my family. We have a lot of love for each other and a lot more to be grateful for.<br />
<img alt="" src="file:///C:/Users/jjakt/Pictures/8d1fcdf1-0a6e-484e-a2b5-323bc68defa2w-1.jpg" />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4044990117176018823.post-70200390256075917082009-12-28T22:58:00.012-07:002009-12-30T09:27:43.329-07:00My Surgeon<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_F0-E8PfNH78/SzmhmiWAtfI/AAAAAAAAAZI/FrR2iBy-X6Q/s1600-h/CIMG0059.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_F0-E8PfNH78/SzmhmiWAtfI/AAAAAAAAAZI/FrR2iBy-X6Q/s400/CIMG0059.jpg" border="0" height="297" width="400" /></a><br /></div><br /> Here he is. My surgeon Dr. Weiss. We are standing next to each other and yes, he is that tall. He is such a wise, yet humble man.<br />One of my favorite things about him, is this little bow that he does as he leaves the room at the end of an appointment. He loves his work caring for patients, and it shows.<br /><br /> He has a very to-the-point way of explaining what surgery will involve. As he told us that I would loose my breast, go through chemo and possibly radiation, I felt as though he were giving me a list of things to buy at the store. He knew how to soften the blow and reassure me before I even knew I needed it. Somehow hearing that I had an aggressive form of breast cancer didn't seem that bad coming from him. He is one amazing man.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4